


A Sucker or a Rose?

by paintingfire



Category: X Factor RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-26
Updated: 2011-11-26
Packaged: 2017-10-26 13:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/283989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paintingfire/pseuds/paintingfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Matt had three labelled boxes in his mind. Friends, Fucks and Fuckers. Once he put you in one that tended to be it. Aiden was in the first one, in the sub-compartment labelled "Best Friend Ever/For Now?" Matt had a lot of those sub-compartments, though he maybe couldn't tell you why.</p><p>Aiden had one box, and one box only. He wasn't as fond of labels. Matt thought it was labelled Bromance Buddy, so he played the part. He never realised the heart-shaped box was simply called Matt. Aiden could have, would have, should have told him why. But Matt stomped right over it before he could."</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Sucker or a Rose?

**Author's Note:**

> As I've referenced a few song lyrics in this I've added the videos where I first quote them. When it was originally posted, as a prompt fill for some Maiden fluff on LJ, it was in a kind of cliffhanger style, so please forgive if it reads a bit oddly as a whole fic.
> 
> Disclaimer: I am a mere storyteller, a painter of words. I have no secret mind-reading powers. The characterisations of the people and portrayal of events within the following story are therefore wholly fictitious. A fairytale begins "Once upon a time" but it does not mean it really happened. Remember that and we'll all live happily ever after!

Matt had three labelled boxes in his mind. Friends, Fucks and Fuckers. Once he put you in one that tended to be it. Aiden was in the first one, in the sub-compartment labelled "Best Friend Ever/For Now?" Matt had a lot of those sub-compartments, though he maybe couldn't tell you why.

Aiden had one box, and one box only. He wasn't as fond of labels. Matt thought it was labelled Bromance Buddy, so he played the part. He never realised the heart-shaped box was simply called Matt. Aiden could have, would have, should have told him why. But Matt stomped right over it before he could.

 _Sometimes, I wish that I was the weather  
You'd bring me up in conversation forever  
And when it rained, I'd be the talk of the day_

 _Oh, sometimes I wish that I was a cold beer  
I'd rest assured that you would hold me near  
I'd be guaranteed to be just what you need_

  
"You're amazing, Aiden. Have I ever told you that? I wish I was like you, so young, so talented, not needing to worry about making mistakes"

Aiden blushed, pasting a "Get away with you!" grin over his weak smile. Matt had told him that about a million times. Compliments from Matt were the sunshine to his day. So what if clouds came tripping straight after. He could always dream of rainbows. Rainbows that bridged the friendship that Matt felt and the actual love he returned.

"Just a second..."

Aiden could have carried on eating and drinking, but no. As usual he was sitting here clinging on to Matt's every word, even though Matt was suddenly oblivious, chatting away on his phone to yet another of his "Best Friends". It was enough though, wasn't it? If that's all Matt could give him? It could have been a whole lot less. At least Matt's version of BFF's meant Matt beside him most of the day, little reassuring squeezes to his shoulder, mumbled words to his neck, the occasional kiss to his cheek. Lots of shared moments were enough.

Matt finally put his phone down, glancing over and smiling at Aiden's solemn face.

"Hey Griminal, smile! Remember we're probably being papped again as the biggest bromance story ever told. Got to feed our adoring public!"

"No, it's not enough! Moments are never enough. I don't want to be a story, I want to be your life!" Aiden just about screamed. But he didn't.

 _And there could be no other way, 'cause you're so, you're so lame  
Your tired words are all, they're all the same  
Yeah I would walk and I'd surely walk away  
If I wasn't such a sucker for you_

He knew he clung to Matt, and that some day soon something would cut him away. The show or another person. Matt would be fine without him, grow stronger without him weighing him down. He was so pathetic he knew he'd shrivel up and die without their daily contact.

Matt was everything to him, but he knew Matt just found him funny. Using their shared sense of humour to ward off his boredom and Aiden's endless reassurances to boost his confidence. Sure he gave Aiden compliments too, but he always seemed to need something in return, twenty times over. Totally fucking blind to the biggest compliment ever: Aiden's love.

And it was love. It wasn't just a crush. He knew if Matt ever found out he would just think he was silly and childish, but he wasn't - he knew the difference. He'd been blown over by Matt from the first time he met him, heard that voice. How could anyone who was that talented appear so normal and down to earth. Matt deserved to be here, deserved to win. Unlike Aiden, who was only good enough for Simon to try and package as his perfect little identikit popstar. Matt was an original of the specialist variety; while Aiden was the hybrid, sturdy but bred a bit too overpowering. Too intense.

The initial admiration had led to friendship, some kind of mutual need taking them over in Australia. They'd gone the distance as individuals and come back as "one". In the sense that from that moment on everyone kept referring to their Bromance. Aiden had revelled in it, finally getting the chance to blossom under cover into his true self. Being able to say out loud how he loved Matt's "manly beard", how he wanted to "marry him".

With each passing day though it got harder, the bromance less of a joke to him. While Matt, on the other hand, blew hot and cold. Happy to play it up for the media, but letting Aiden just hang on with nothing more, no further real acknowledgement. And why should he? Matt could have anyone he wanted. It had never stopped him in the past so why should a kid like Aiden be the one that changed him. He should just accept it, try to distance himself now so the final separation didn't kill him. But he couldn't, he had to take what little sustenance he could get. However pathetic that made him look. Matt's little hanger-on.

 _Sometimes, I wish that I was a bong hit  
You'd let me in and you would love every minute  
And tell the room the things I did to you..._

Of course the other problem was that Aiden was still a teenager. A teenager with raging hormones. Hormones that made him want to cling to Matt for a whole other reason. So he was stuck in a cycle. Craving Matt, getting his high any way he could. One part of him in particular in danger of giving his addiction away to everyone, not just Matt. Especially Matt.

And it didn't help that certain sections of the media liked to paint Matt as a total man whore. Because that just makes Aiden's fantasies more vivid. Especially the totally improbable one where he turns Matt, shows him the light.

Because Aiden had never seduced anyone in his life, he wouldn't know how. Especially someone like Matt who would find his advances laughable, and that's before the rather vital fact that Aiden is a boy and Matt's a man. A man who beds women. Not men. Not Aiden. Especially Aiden.

He wasn't special enough, second class, not Matt's drug of choice. Ever.

But still he hung around, taking what he could. Sucking the oxygen from the room. And Aiden let him.

Because Aiden needed Matt to breathe, to grow. In ways both carnal and spiritual. Even if it wasn't reciprocated. Even if it meant he'd eventually suffocate what they had together because of the imbalance to their relationship. But they both knew that Matt would push on past him before that ever happened. His roots grounded by experience, Aiden merely relying on dreams. Dreams were just shifting sands that by their very nature could never be matched by reality.

 _Oh and there could be no other way, 'cause you're so lame  
Your tired words are all, your tired words are all the same  
Yeah I would walk you know I'd surely walk away  
If I wasn't such a sucker for you_

"Hey Aid!" and now Matt's clinging to him, cuddling him, nudging him - as usual. Happy, tired, they're both smelling of beer and cigarettes. Smelling of satisfaction guaranteed. But not for Aiden. Never for Aiden.

Grinning at Aiden, sticking a finger on Aiden's cheek, pressing in to make a dimple, letting it twist back and forth just one opportunity short of Aiden's mouth. If only he could capture it. But he wouldn't dare. It's not his place. Never his place.

He goes to walk away but Matt grabs his hand so Aiden stays. He always stays. And smiles.

And later on he cries.

And goes back to Matt silent, needing his support.

Matt goes to walk away and Aiden lets him. He always lets him. And smiles.

And looks forward to tomorrow.

A new day with Matt. Whatever he brings to it, Aiden will take. Take and hoard.

Sunshine for the rainy days ahead. The days without Matt. The days when he's forgotten. Alone, discarded, left to rot. Praying for a second chance, for any way to come back. Made over in another form.

Sometimes, just sometimes, he wishes those days were now.

Sometimes, just sometimes, he wishes they weren't.

Because sometimes he feels hope budding and maybe tomorrow will be that day, the day that he'll grow thorns.

=+=

 _I see your world with rosy colored glasses on  
Wanna right what I see wrong  
I could never have that power over you_

What sleeps must awake, awake to their sun, follow it across it's sky. Worship it's very existence, bask in it's glory.

You can feed the sun, Aiden thinks, sticking a piece of toast in Matt's mouth, laughing at the way marmalade drips down his chin. He shakes his head, a spark of lemon makes a bid for freedom, landing on Aiden's cheek.

Aiden freezes. Matt licks. Aiden dies a little. Matt leaves laughing.

"It's going to be a good day today, Aiden. I can feel it. A lucky day"

You should never worship the sun, the sun that warms can also burn. Leave you waking up to screams.

=+=

Matt winked at Aiden, gave a dancer or two the once over, growled at Wagner. Boxes lined up. Contents intact.

Aiden knew that Matt liked his routines, the little hooks he needed to help him on his way as he tried to reach his goal. The problem was the further he travelled the more entangled he got. Snagged tightly to Aiden, too tightly. Aiden didn't care, he just hadn't realised he was quite so suffocating, because Matt had seemed to crave that support. Until it came crashing down. Tearing ugly wounds through tender flesh. Aiden's flesh. Matt's hard and uncaring, peeled back, self centred.

All it took was one little mark that opened a seam of vulnerability and Matt reacted as he always did when under extreme stress, he hacked away to protect himself. Cutting off the supposed source, the only way he knew how, with a barbed vicious tongue.

It was a blow Aiden hadn't expected, not only was he torn away, Matt burned him just to make sure.

Realty crashed through dreams, dripping poison from fragile petals.

Words without thought are the worst kind of betrayal because they're the easiest to interpret. Or the hardest.

=+=

 _Someday, I'm gonna pack up and leave this town  
I'm gonna get my own things goin' on  
And when I do, I'll forget  
I'll forget  
I'll forget about how, how you're so, you're so lame  
Your tired words are all, your tired words are all the same  
And I would walk you know I'd, I'd walk away _

"Matt, you're overacting, it's just.."

"No, it isn't Aiden. You're meant to be my friend, but you don't know a fucking thing about me. If you did you wouldn't fucking say that. You're full of shit."

"Matt, I do know. You have no idea how much I know. You won't let me..."

"Leave it, you'll just make it worse, just like you always do. Get the hell away from me, Aiden. I've had enough of you smothering me, wrapping yourself round me, choking me.

Have you any idea what it's like? You're always there. EVERYWHERE I look. I get away from you and what happens? Everyone talks about you. Where's Aiden today Matt? How's the Bromance going? Aiden, Aiden, fucking Aiden - you're stuck in my brain and I need a frigging lobotomy.

Fuck the bromance! There is no bloody bromance, never has been. It's just a cooked up publicity stunt. We're as manufactured as One Direction. Put together by that cunt Cowell! He moved me to your category and then set us up with all those edited interviews and as for the videos and photographs. God almighty, could they have been any more obvious? I don't know what they thinking, because there was nothing there between us to start with. Nothing but me needing some idiot to carry my baggage for me.

And as for you, the things you came out with didn't help. I know you thought it was funny, but are you for fucking real? You're like the annoying little kid next door that won't take no for an answer. 'Matt, Matt, Matt!' I've had it Aiden, up to here. I'm my number one priority, always have been, always will, so you can fuck off and never ever come back"

"Matt, you don't..."

 _If I wasn't such a sucker for you  
I wasn't such a sucker for you  
I wasn't such a sucker for you_

The last thing Aiden heard as his world finally came crashing down was the sound of something breaking.

=+=

  
 _"Now that we are over as the loving kind,  
We'll be dreaming ways to keep the good alive.  
Only when we want is not a compromise,  
I'd be pouring tears into your drying eyes"_

He'd hit bottom, split the rock and come out the other side, ground down to the bone. Dry eyes, dry throat, dry stomach, dry heart. Wrung dry. But still he shook forward and back, crying swollen rivers of nothing. Drowned out by the retching howls from deep within the bowels of his inner hell.

Oblivious to the commotion around him. Oblivious to those trying to hold him. Oblivious to those trying to talk to him. Oblivious to those trying to talk to each other. Hearing nothing but the last dying gasp of a desperate man. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

"This can't go on" "Are they getting a doctor?" "Does he know he's not here any more?" "They've taken him away?" "I didn't realise it was that bad" "What the hell happened?" "I thought they loved each other" "Quiet! That's the fucking problem, he doesn't..." "Shut up, you'll only make it worse" "Ya think? How can anything be worse than this?"

"Ladies, Gentlemen. Would you all mind leaving us alone."

"SIMON!"

"Well, that would be worse"

=+=

 _Friends, lovers or nothing,  
There can only be one.  
Friends, lovers or nothing,  
There'll never be an in-between, so give it up._

"Has he spoken yet?"

"Nothing"

"How about Matt?"

"Nothing"

"Well at least they're being consistent. The two Maiden minds as one."

"Simon, it's not funny"

"No, but it is something. We need something."

"What we need is to butt out for a bit. What they need is space. Then we can give them the talk. Not the other way round!"

"I'll call you tomorrow, for now we need to do some damage limitation before this gets even more out of hand."

=+=

 _You whisper, "come on over 'cause you're two drinks in,  
But in the morning I will say goodbye again.  
Think we'll never fall into the jealous game?  
The streets flood with blood of those who felt the same._

The longest day finally turns to night. Night is as bad, but in a different way than what has gone before. Now thoughts that should lie dormant start to resurface, still searching for light. Pushing up through and past the scorched remains of what was there before.

Seeing light again, but it's an eerie mocking glow, reeking of poison self-administered. So the call goes unanswered, whoever actually made it.

Hidden in the bed, seeking shelter, completely under cover, form now shapeless. Reviewing the damage, seeing if rebuilding internal boxes is possible.

With each passing hour a protective coating grows, one that will independently protect.

When the new day finally dawns, when you break ground, you realise with one final sob that the box is damaged beyond repair. And you no longer care. These are the tears that will make you stronger, the past is finally no more.

  
=+=

 _Friends, lovers or nothing,  
There can only be one.  
Friends, lovers or nothing,  
There'll never be an in-between, so give it up._

"We've left you long enough, Aiden. It's time. You have to tell me what exactly he said, get it out of your system. It's the only way we'll all get through this. You know that, don't you?"

So, wrapped up in the combined comforting warmth of his biggest cardigan and Dannii's encouraging arms, Aiden finally began to talk again. Finally let the tears truly fall that had eluded him the day before.

Telling Dannii that his worst fears had been realised. That he'd expected it all along. But what he hadn't realised was that tensing for the blow had made it harder when it finally came. That just because Matt had finally held up the mirror to him, he'd still been shocked by his own reflection, no matter how familiar it was.

How he had always know that Matt could be an utter bastard, that he'd seen the way he waited until he categorised people. Then judged their actions before allocating them to the role they would play in his life. And sometimes Aiden had agreed with him, and sometimes they'd both agreed that someone should be given a second chance, and sometimes they agreed that a line had been crossed.

Aiden understood that if he crossed a line, and he so fucking hadn't, he'd be cast aside too. He understood that in Matt, he'd forgiven that in Matt. He'd have forgiven anything in Matt, he got him, he really did. He had been in love with him, after all. Dannii knew that, didn't she? That Matt was a mess of contradictions and that's what made him unique, what had made him Aiden's everything. Until Matt had over-reacted and scared the living daylights out of Aiden, the crash causing him to finally wake up from his schoolboy dreams.

But now he was his own man, not Matt's. He'd go on, but on his own. He didn't need to bind himself to another after all. He didn't need Matt Cardle, just as much as Matt didn't need him. And he's prove it to them all.

=+=

Dannii said all the right things, just the same as she always had. Agreeing, encouraging, reassuring; before walking them away in to their new day.

But not before she'd stepped right back, heard the faint rustle of new strong growth, and made the call.

=+=

  
"He's bad, really bad. Much worse than I expected."

"He's still a kid in the middle of everything, you've got to remember that"

"But still, I didn't expect it to be so much. He's, you know? He's still in shock about what he did to him"

"I'm not surprised, and he knows he should have been thrown out, which doesn't help"

"I think we did the right thing though, giving them time. They've woken up to some things. I think that might have been the problem all along."

"Can you talk to Matt, Dannii?"

"Yes, but you need to too. From what Aiden says we haven't helped, he doesn't know what's real any more. Maybe we didn't see where this was going. Too wrapped up correcting our mistakes from last time."

"We saw. I think maybe I saw too much of me in him. I admire the way he doesn't suffer fools and looks after number one, but maybe he's making my mistakes too."

"And that's why you need to talk to him Simon, you have to anyway. He knows they could both be brought down by this, the show could be brought down. He'll expect it to still be you after yesterday, after something this serious."

"Oh and Simon? I got Aiden to finally say it out loud, he is in love with Matt. Well, he says "was", but..."

"Well that helps, helps a lot. Makes me think I was... I like him you know, like him a lot."

"Me too. Good luck, this won't be easy for any of us. Call me if you need me."

=+=

"Matt, stop pacing. Sit down, do something, play your guitar if it helps. This isn't getting us anywhere. I need to fully get your side of things, because if there's the slightest danger that could ever happen again I'd have no choice. You know that."

Matt knew he was like a drug addict deprived of his latest fix, so jittery he couldn't be still. But maybe Simon had something with the guitar idea, because if he couldn't do something he'd surely explode and that's what had brought him down here to start with. Or should that be implode, the long night had made him realise it was probably the latter. Fuck, he wasn't strong enough for this shit. Never had been, never would. He'd just kept on crawling though, and thought that maybe this time, he had the support structure round him that would carry him. He'd always needed it, in everything, needed a certain consistency to his world. He didn't want to be taken by surprise, ever. He knew how the cycle worked, he had just to learn how to control it. He'd failed so many times before, but each time he'd learnt. If something had worked he had to make sure nothing changed, that it was the same for when he faced the next obstacle. So he was playing the X Factor game his own way, knowing that they'd never let him win, but this way he could strip all he could from them on the way past. They'd help feed his ambition like never before. He didn't have to care about anything but himself, get what he wanted then get the hell out of here, stronger, more resilient, finally able to reach fruition.

"Matt, guitar! Play it. Tell me."

The order from Simon, which seemed to have an undercurrent of understanding behind it, finally got through. So Matt sat and concentrated on looking blindly at the guitar in his hands, idly strumming away barriers as he let thoughts finally seed his lips. Speaking hoarsely because of what had come before. Eventually forgetting that Simon was in the room, thoughts and words so muddled that later he wouldn't be able to recall what he'd actually said.

How it had been so much harder to stay in control than he thought. He'd never expected that he'd care about those beside him, never expected them to be just the same as him, only different, better. He'd wanted to box them up and ignore them, but Aiden kept on pushing out of his box, and Matt couldn't work out where either of them wanted him to be. He could see so much of him in Aiden that it scared him, scared him that he'd end up like Matt, something always missing. But he knew he wouldn't because he saw so clearly at that age that he was different, that he accepted it in a way that Matt still struggled with about himself and he had nearly ten years on him. Such a fucking child. He knew Aiden looked for good in everyone and the bad in himself. He thought he was the opposite, but maybe not. Because he did recognise the good people, he leached on to them, said he'd die for them when really he needed the reassurance that they would for him. But Aiden was different, he knew he could stifle him and he didn't deserve it. Aiden was the strong one, more light than darkness. Aiden was him but so so much more and he had to do everything to keep him in, give him the chance to grow, to show how special he was, so he could learn how truly beautiful he was inside and out. How amazing he was, Matt was nothing to Aiden. He'd realised that out of all his insecurities Aiden was the biggest. So he had tried in his own weird way to control Aiden's life and luck as well as his own. Because Aiden deserved this so much more, Matt had had his chance before and blown it. Reality and boxes didn't fit, they never fit, it wasn't fair to play with peoples lives like that. Simon should know that, Simon had put them in boxes, Matt knew because Matt did the same. But Simon could ruin people. Simon was doing it to Aiden, his Aiden, Matt had to... Aiden needed to know, Aiden needed to know, he needed to know, he needed to know, he needed to know, he needed to know...

"Matt" Simon stilled Matt's hand, deciding now wasn't the time to point out the droplets of blood dripping down from the strings, staining the wood beneath. "Tell me. Say it. Let it go."

Matt finally looked up, his questioning face giving the answer before him.

"When did you realise you were in love with him?"

Matt took a heart-curdling breath, wincing only at the self-inflicted pain.

"When he hit me."

=+=

  
"Dannii, Simon. I'm still at the house, we can let Aiden move back later. I've talked to Matt."

"And? And? Don't leave it there. What did he say?"

"Well it was actually a bit difficult to follow, if he thinks as fast as he talked it's no wonder he get confused. However, that's by the by, let's just say we were both right. The upshot is that Aiden knocked some sense into him and he now realises he's in love too."

"Oh, they are a pair of idiots. I hope you were sympathetic and didn't just stand there rolling your eyes. So, what did he say when you told him about Aiden?"

"No way, that's your territory Dannii. I can empathise with what's tying Matt up in knots, even get him to be honest with me, but it doesn't work the other way. He would never believe it if I told him, he'd think I was up to some strange nefarious purpose. I know I am normally, but not this time. Honest."

"I know, this whole situation is just too close to the bone for us both. That's why I still feel we're both somehow to blame. After last time we couldn't face all the sly gossip again. We had to show our support. Me especially, seeing you landed me in it last time and made me appear like a right little two-faced bitch. I know, and appreciate, that that's the real reason you moved Matt to my group and encouraged the song choices, but I kept telling you it was going to backfire and Cheryl's role hasn't helped either as it's like mine was.."

"Dannii, we had all this out yesterday, and keeping referring to it as "last time" is no way to get round something the whole team agreed we would leave in the past. I am your boss you know, even if I seem to have cast you in the role of my guilty conscious. I am trying to make this better. I did see this was different, which is why I encouraged the bromance publicity angle to give them some privacy."

"Hah! Pull the other one Simon, it's got bells on"

"Okay, it was a bit of marketing genius too, but you've got to admit 99% has come from the boys themselves. Now, we've got give to give Matt the secret 1% to make them Maiden again"

"Oh you crack me up, you really do. You and I both know that there's actually a heart beating under those awful t-shirts. Okay, so I'm left to drop the other Aiden bombshell on Matt. Thank you for that, oh great and powerful one."

"My pleasure. I've got to go and talk to the rest of the contestants and remind them that they've never to mention this to anyone, and that includes Matt and Aiden. It's the only way to keep the punch away from the media, but Matt and Aiden need to be able to sort this out between themselves. God help us all but trying to get One Direction to not interfere is going to be difficult. They're sweet kids but none of them know a thing about discretion, they just about blurted everything out in front of Matt last night. Luckily he was too out of it to realise. I think it would have killed him to hear it at that moment. He'd have walked off the show at the very least, and I don't want that. He could win this, and you know why I think that's a good idea. So, this is my final word on it. The news is better coming from you. He has no reason to think you'd be tricking him. Matt's such a big kid in these matters he needs Mummy Dannii to tell him the facts of life. Come work your Aussie magic, he's not going to the studio until we can work out how to cover that bruise. It's not that bad really, I don't think Aidens heart was in it."

"It was Simon, that's the whole point, it was."

=+=

 _Anything other than yes is no  
Anything other than stay is go  
Anything less than 'I love you' is lying_

"Oh Matt, I don't know whether to sympathise with you or tell you deserved it. Chin up!"

Dannii carried on covering the bruise with make-up

"I think it's a bit of both, but you were so nasty to Aiden. What on earth possessed you to say all those things? You knew how much it would hurt him. Especially coming from you. There, at the most it looks like you're trying to cover up a love-bite. Which in a way it was"

"He didn't know why I was angry. I was, I was trying. It's stupid, I'm stupid. It was for his own good, Dannii, I didn't want him.. What? What did you say just now?"

Matt reeled as if about to be dealt another blow. Dannii had a look in her eye that made him, he didn't...

"Matt? Did you hear me?"

His head was spinning, there were bubbles in his throat, spreading down through his body, he couldn't breathe. He was seeing colours, stars, he was going to pass out...

"Matt, Matt. You are such a fool. He loves you"

But Matt couldn't hear, he'd gone into himself again. Shoulders hunched, chin down, hands clasped tightly together at his heart as if anchoring some strange internal prayer that he didn't dare offer up. Clasped so tightly his fingertips had started to bleed again. Pressure making them seep through the his intertwined fingers a dark crimson red, rose red. The rest of him so chilled white that the bruise at his jaw was once again in stark relief

Dannii gently cupped one hand to it, and then it's twin to the other side of his face. Forcing Matt's head up, holding it tightly so he had to look at her

"Matt. Listen to me. I would not lie to you, you understand that, don't you?"

Matt gave a small nod despite himself. Rolling his lips in on themselves as if trying to catch a cry of denial before it formed. Dannii felt she'd trapped a tiny bird in her hands, trembling & desperate to fly away but too scared to try. It shocked her to see him like this, she'd known he was emotional, but this? This broke her heart.

"Matt. Read my lips, look into my eyes, do what you have to; but believe what I am saying. AIDEN. IS. IN. LOVE. WITH. YOU."

No, no, Matt shook his head. Swinging it back & forth, back & forth. Adrift but anchored to Dannii's lips, absorbing her words even when he didn't want to.

"Matt! I swear on Ethan's life. That boy is head over heels for you & always has been. You just wouldn't let yourself see it. Though I think you finally did yesterday. Think about it Matt, it's Aiden. He would never have hit out like that at anyone else, no-one could have hurt him like you did. I know what you said, it was so very cruel Matt. He may worship you but he doesn't think he's good enough for you & you went right there & told him that. It was like you'd poured boiling water over wounds he'd already cut into himself"

"Noooo!"

The cry was more a howl than a word, a denial, a reassurance in one. But Aiden wasn't there to hear his silent confession. That it was Matt that would never be good enough for Aiden and that this proved it. He'd poured the boiling water over himself & he deserved to bubble up, to shrivel & die.

"Yes, Matt. Yes. I know it's a lot to take in, but you love him too, don't you? Matt? Speak to me. You must speak"

The tiny nod from earlier was repeated, & Dannii thought to herself it was better than the soul shattering sound he'd made before so accepted the nod instead of words.

"Sweetheart, he thought he'd broken something when he hit you yesterday, he told me. We told him you were okay, but he was in such shock. He couldn't believe he'd actually hurt you. That's a good thing, Matt. The damage is repairable. Do you understand? I think he heard his heart breaking. But my darling boy, you're the only one that can put it together again. Now speak to me. I want you to tell me what you're going to do."

Matt leant forward and pressed his forehead to Dannii's, whispered a stumbling declaration.

"Show him I love him. I don't care if he can't love me back. I just need to love him."

"You're such a liar, Matt. You care too much, you always do. That's why I think it might work"

With that Dannii gently kissed Matt on both cheeks and left him to his thoughts. Thoughts of Aiden. Always of Aiden.

=+=

 _When I wake up yeah I know I'm gonna be  
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you  
When I go out yeah I know I'm gonna be Q  
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you_

  
"I take it you had "the talk" too, about how we're to appear to carry on as normal so no-one catches on. So we'll do this in public, but the second we're alone forget it"

Matt stared at the closed door, still seeing Aiden's mask like face, frozen, devoid of his usual emotions. He had this overwhelming urge to just rush after him, grab him & rain kisses over every inch of that face. Bring it back to life, bring Aiden back to his life. But he knew what he'd see if he tried to touch him. That expression again, the one he saw just before the punch landed. The one that ripped into him a whole lot more than what had started his stupid rant. He'd blanked it out before, how much more had he missed? Maybe Dannii was right, maybe some part of him had realised then that Aiden loved him. Maybe he'd never truly looked Aiden in the eye before, & when he had he'd seen himself. And instead of him being held in the warmth of a dark amber glow he was being sucked down into a rapidly developing black hole, into the emotionless pit that Aiden seemed to have retreated to. That one last explosion ironically the calm before the storm.

And what was really sick was that Matt wished Aiden would hit him again. Not because he felt he deserved it, which he did, but because he'd at least be touching him. It was killing Matt not to be able to touch him. He needed to so badly, he always had. He needed the reassurance, the strength, the vitality, the sheer goodness that Aiden radiated. The sudden warmth that just slowly washed over Matt from head to toe, filling all his empty spaces. The empty spaces he didn't even acknowledge he had until Aiden came along & breathed new life into Matt. Life like he'd never even dreamed about, but now realised he'd been searching for. Searching for a reason to stop and breathe himself. To stop the eternal high speed chess game in his mind, the need to box everything up perfectly and control it so it couldn't hurt him.

Aiden slowed that internal turmoil. In some strange way Aiden was like Matt's guitar, the minute he started playing the music soothed him, lifted him, took him far away but near at the same time. Matt's one escape but also his real obsession, his only true love, the only place he could be him and release the emotions he felt without fear.

Matt looked at the damage to the pads of his fingers, compulsively rubbed raw until they bled. That's what he'd done to Aiden. No wonder he couldn't take him any more, no wonder he had retreated to build up his defences. Matt's callousness had done that to him.

Everything happens for a reason, Matt firmly believed in that. Maybe too much, but he knew by the time his fingers healed he had to make sure that Aiden had healed too. So he'd no longer flinch like he had earlier when Matt had reached out to grab his arm in a mute appeal of mutual understanding. Aiden might have thought he'd closed the door on Matt, but Matt saw that flinch for what it was. The tiny chink of light that showed Matt there was still a way in for him, he just had to work out a way to gradually prise the barrier open. However long it would take him, however many the steps he would have to take along the path.

Matt eventually came to the conclusion that they had to go back to the beginning, him and Aiden. Start again as friends, if not lovers. Because he could force himself to live without the latter for nearly ever, if only he had the hope of the repaired friendship to build upon. He knew he would have to take it slowly, carefully, but he needed to show Aiden why he really thought he was amazing. He had to let him in properly, show Aiden his weaknesses as well as his strengths. It scared him so many sides of shitless he couldn't count, but he had to try. Try for Aiden's sake if not his own. All for Aiden, always for Aiden.

=+=

After disease has been eradicated new growth comes back, resistant to the poison of before, enabling it to fulfill a new potential. Matt had started to grow up. So had Aiden. They were still beside each other; but this time they were going to surprise themselves, not just each other.

=+=

 _If I get drunk yes I know I'm gonna be  
I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you  
And if I haver yeah I know I'm gonna be  
I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you _

Acting was in a way part of being a good singer, the ability to draw on something within you no matter the strange situation you were in, or your real mood at the time. Matt instinctively knew which of his emotions he had to release, simply opened what was always there, bubbling under the surface needing to vent. So Matt knew exactly what he was doing, he just hoped it came over just enough like his usual gushing to get through Aiden's barriers.

Aiden hated being told how to act, but he didn't have the confidence yet to let his true emotions guide him. Instead he tried to adapt to everything instead of going with his heart. So he ended up planted to the spot, proving that he wasn't good enough. And this felt like one of those moments, until Matt started to talk.

"Drink up. We've got to do what we normally do, I know that means me rapidly becoming the happy drunk, but you at least have to look like you're joining in a bit too."

This cycle was well established: drink, talk, laugh, repeat. Become more tactile, more clinging, more at ease until something made one of them pull back. This time though the words & laughter were hard to come by, the touches absent. However Matt was enacting a different cycle, one where he only appeared to be drinking as much as usual, because this time he wanted to control the automatic self-censorship that even alcohol had never dissolved before.

Aiden sighed, took another sip from his bottle and tried to remember the grin he used to plaster on. He knew Matt was hating every moment of this too, probably more so. If only he could walk out but he could see the fans peering at the window, phones up recording every expression on their faces. If only they knew the truth, that neither of them could stand to be in the same room let alone sitting here, either side of a table, knees touching, memories of undercurrents tricking his mind. He couldn't let them in though, Matt wasn't giving them off, they'd always been in his imagination and were total fantasy and he didn't need fantasy. Didn't need Matt, didn't need anyone.

Matt rested his chin on his hand, grinned, purposefully put his usual three sheets to the wind look of adoration on his face and finally started the familiar refrain.

"You're amazing, Aiden. Have I ever told you that? I wish I was like you, I really do. From the first moment I saw you I thought that kid's everything I'm not. He knows something about himself, revels in it. You know when I saw that? You smiled at me, that smile did something..."

Matt paused, made himself hiccup, took another pretend swig, eyeing Aiden, seeing the tiny hint of a blush held back. The small internal turn back towards Matt.

He let out a burp crossed with a yawn. Then made the first confession, told him what he'd done. Letting the reason hang in the air between them, and even if Aiden didn't care about it he could at least finally allow himself that acceptance.

"I shouldn't tell you this, but when we got to Australia I was very naughty. So naughty Aiden, I chatted up one of the crew, got her to show me something."

"I bet you did" Aiden suddenly felt as if he had ashes in his mouth, cursing the fact that he still cared.

"So amazing Aid. You made me feel so alive, never before" Aiden didn't know what the hell Matt was on about, so despite himself he bent nearer, waiting to see what Matt would come out with next. Focusing on the hidden mark on Matt's jaw to remind himself to prepare for the usual let-down.

"I had to see you properly, so fucking amazing, Simon was wrong, you weren't a perfect popstar, you were a fucking proper star. That voice, that voice, that. Hmm, where was I?" Matt belched, gulping at air to steady his nerve "But then your face changed and it was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen, I don't know who you were thinking about but I wanted it to be me. You're so fucking amazing, have I ever told you that?"

No, thought Aiden, you never have. The first surprisingly substantial part of his broken heart being glued back into place. It was the tiny bits that Matt would find harder to repair, but it was a start.

=+=

 _But I would walk 500 miles  
And I would walk 500 more  
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles  
To fall down at your door_

Aiden lay flat on his bed staring at the ceiling, refusing to look at the now heavily snoring Matt.

Refusing to hear the lyrics that were on replay in his head. Matt's voice, slurring them out as he poured him into a taxi. Why had he ever listened to Simon, why had he obediently agreed to "go out for a drink and act as if nothing has happened"? Why should he always be the one that had to pick Matt up? He used to enjoy it, the way Matt relied on him, but now he knew Matt had just been taking advantage. And not the way he used to long for him to.

He didn't need that any more. He knew how truly pathetic he'd been now. He didn't actually care though. He'd learnt from it and moved on. Matt didn't care about him at all, not even as friend. Especially as a friend. This was about him now, maybe he would use Matt in the same way. Maybe. Maybe not.

But with the first closing flickers of exhausted eyelids came the other flashback. The happier one from more innocent times.

Matt dancing about in front of the TV, imitating Johnny Depp's character, calling Aiden "Joon".  
Aiden laughing, telling him he was "out of his tree".  
Then at the end Matt saying he'd do that, you know? Walk 1000 miles.  
Looking right at Aiden forever for an instant.

But Aiden had known he wasn't really looking at him. Not in that way. He groaned, turning over in his sleep as Matt's voice started the new playback loop in his brain "I wanted it to be me, I wanted it to be me"

  
 _When I'm working yes I know I'm gonna be  
I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you  
And when the money comes in for the work I'll do  
I'll pass almost every penny on to you_

  
Aiden had woken to an unearthly dawn. The light in the room puzzling him, the silence even more so. Matt would normally be moaning, resolving never to drink again, causing Aiden to fuss delightedly round him like a mother hen. But Matt wasn't there, his bed empty apart from the source of the light. Matt's laptop open showing a paused video file.

Aiden found himself looking around the room, as if looking for acknowledgement that Matt wasn't hiding in a box somewhere, ready to spring out and catch him. He was suddenly more nervous than he'd ever been before around Matt. And he wasn't even there.

The laptop seemed to be growing, challenging him, so he put finger to touchpad as if it was going to burn him and clicked play. And found himself listening to himself singing about watching, and taking money and being in need. His tongue running away with him. Fuck, his audition video. He'd hated it when he'd first seen it, but now, now all he could think about was Matt watching it. His mind started racing, tripping over itself, realising that what Matt had rambled on about the night before might have been the truth after all.

"Leave it, you'll just make it worse, just like you always do. Get the hell away from me, Aiden. I've had enough of you"

The words cutting him down once again, making him fall and burn, fall and burn.

=+=

"I wanted it to be me, I wanted it to be me"

The moon walked another 500 miles across the night sky before Aiden breathed a reply from his still confused dreams:

"No you didn't Matt, you _never_ wanted me to think of you in that way"

If Aiden hadn't said that in his sleep he'd have heard the sigh, the air of defeat coming from the other bed.

At the very least he'd have seen the glow of the laptop. Then perhaps noticed the password protected folder open and within in it the box Matt had hidden within another box.

The one that was simply named "Aiden".

Perhaps realised that maybe before, just for a moment, he had heard a video playing and wrongly thought it was all in his dream.

=+=

Glue needs to set overnight or the bond isn't permanent.

=+=

 _When I come home yeah I know I'm gonna be  
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you  
And if I grow old well I know I'm gonna be  
I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you_

Matt was singing like never before, feeling like never before, dreaming like never before. His inner voice had even slowed a bit for the first time ever. Because he had another voice echoing in it all the time. His mentor's voice, waking him up to the possibility that he could make everything all right again:

"Matt... believe what I am saying. AIDEN. IS. IN. LOVE. WITH. YOU."

Now all he longed for was to replace Dannii's voice with Aiden's. Aiden telling him that he forgave him, he loved him, he was in love with him. And what had he done, probably just blown his chances of that ever happening.

Shit! He was no good at this, he'd planned to try and get the friendship back first so what does he go and do? Act like the over-eager schoolboy he felt and start to go down the "You're so fucking sexy I want to jump your bones" route instead of the "Let's be friends" one. It's a wonder he hadn't literally jumped Aiden's bones when he'd steered him to his bed. The plus-side to not being really drunk on his feet was seeing that cold defensive look on Aiden's face again. The one he'd put there and was going to be so hard to get rid of completely.

Maybe he needed to finally be a fucking grown-up and actually listen to Aiden for once, show him, tell him if he'd let him, that he was willing to do anything if there was hope for him. Hope that Aiden would just accept him properly into his life again. Talk to him when they were in private. Then, maybe later, they could do other things together in private.

He looked about the empty bedroom, having no idea when Aiden left it, and worse still he didn't feel as he'd been in it in the first place. It was as if Aiden had bundled up his very essence and taken all that had been his out of the air when he left. Instead there was a staleness, a wrongness.

A once happily inhabited home now abandoned, boards loosely nailed across windows that used to look out at amazing gardens of possibility, full of sunshine and laughter. Places where it used to be a joy to stop and smell the roses, instead there was darkness and decay. But somewhere, deep inside the house, through all the dust and disappointment one rose still bloomed trapped within a bell jar. The hope that lightness would return.

And fuck. Was he the frigging Beast now? Aiden was surely Beauty, so if the shoe fits Cardle. Shit, now he was Cinder-fucking-rella! Why was he suddenly seeing movies in relation to Aiden. Or was it fairytales? Him searching for the elusive happy-ever-after. He didn't know. Maybe he needed to learn from them. Maybe it was just his heart reminding his mind that he'd planned to be more open with Aiden, to show Aiden what a difference he'd made in his life. Fuck it, he knew what these strange thoughts were telling him. He had to out and out woo the boy and not care if he looked a total sap. Because he knew Aiden, and he knew that Aiden knew him, so he knew that Aiden would realise how far out of his comfort zone he was and secretly love it. And then maybe he'd love him again. And shit his mind did talk the biggest load of crap at him when he actually stopped to listen to it.

An idea had started to form though, so Matt started Googling like crazy, seeing if there was a way to bring his weird idea to pass. He tried one phrase then another, but there was nothing there to inspire him. Started gnawing at his nails, flinching when he accidentally caught the tender skin on the pad of one fingertip, making it bleed yet again. Looking at the colour, remembering his thoughts and somehow knowing, knowing it was out there, somewhere amongst the grey.

And sure enough he found it, but oh God, it wouldn't be easy. He was maybe going to have to ask Simon for help. But if anyone could make it happen he could. Once he'd finished laughing at him. The strangest thing was he knew, he just knew that Simon would help.

In the meantime though, Matt had to work out a way to make Aiden laugh again. Because Aiden was made to laugh, and do silly things without caring what he looked like. He had to give Aiden that back. Starting today.

=+=

 _But I would walk 500 miles  
And I would walk 500 more  
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles  
To fall down at your door_

"Simon, it's Matt. This is going to sound really strange but I need your help to put this thing with Aiden right. I'll, umm, I'll try and stop biting the hand that feeds me in interviews in return"

"Hah! Believe me, Matt. Your penchant for opening your mouth and putting both feet in it is actually a highlight of my day, and for once I'm not being sarcastic. I can't promise I'll be of any help, but I've a feeling that if I'm not you'll go to Dannii and, between you and me, she's got me by the balls as it is. So, what can I do?

=+=

 _When I'm lonely yes I know I'm gonna be  
I'm gonna be the man whose lonely without you  
When I'm dreaming yes I know I'm gonna dream  
Dream about the time when I'm with you._

This was harder than Aiden thought it would be. He felt frozen in time, waiting for something to thaw the icicle that prevented his second hand from ticking forward. Balance needed to be restored. Without seconds there couldn't be minutes, without minutes there couldn't be hours. No days, no weeks, no months, no years, no life. No life without Matt.

Maybe his heart hadn't shattered. Maybe he'd just covered in a hard coating of frost, self-preservation like the rather pathetic punch he'd landed on Matt.

He missed what he had with Matt, but what he really missed was the opportunity to be himself. He knew he was blocking everyone out. He'd seen the looks, the automatic search for his answering laugh but it was gone. It wasn't even as if he was sad, he wasn't crying over loving Matt any more. Or over losing what he never had in the first place.

Perhaps he was punishing himself for trying to be something he wasn't. He wasn't the type of person to be on his own, even though he could give that impression. He needed to part of something. He'd grown his thorns, but what had their protection really given him? Nothing, he wasn't protected, he was trapped. Scaring people away, people he needed. The person he needed. Was friendship really not enough? He could see that for some strange reason Matt was trying to get his forgiveness. Though he seemed to be going about it in a very weird manner. It made him laugh in a way, he had no trouble labelling himself as weird. But Matt? If Matt did something strangely out of character there had to be sinister reasons behind it. That was so silly, they'd always said they were alike.

He knew Matt had lashed out in self-defence, he just couldn't work out why. The whole thing had been trivial. Well he knew it hadn't been to Matt, and he told him he understood. Hadn't they laughed together every day about that part of Matt's strange compartmentalised life. It wasn't like it was a secret. Just another facet to the many notes that made up Matt Cardle. Why had he suddenly reacted like that? It didn't fit in with his other insecurities, Aiden knew him well enough to know there was some other meaning to it that Matt wouldn't share.

And for the first time since that night Aiden wondered what would Matt have said if he hadn't hit him. If he'd allowed him to get everything off his chest. If it really did have something to do with that strange comment about his audition performance.

He sighed, shaking his head. When they'd been so close he'd understood that Matt could never feel the same for him, why should he start thinking there was hope now. Matt had told him the truth. It was just a publicity driven bromance, nothing more. It didn't make sense though, because surely he and Matt had acted like that anyway. Sure they'd played up to the cameras, but they were the same when they weren't there. So at ease with each other. You couldn't fake that, could you? Would you?

So here he was. Growing up but still not fully formed, because Matt wasn't there to answer his questions. He needed to get him to open up, and maybe to do that he had to open up first. Unfurl the first leaf on the fragile stem that might, just might support a new friendship between them.

 _But I would walk 500 miles  
And I would walk 500 more  
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles  
To fall down at your door_

And for the first time since forever, Aiden smiled. Because he knew smiles could open doors.

=+=

  
"Fuck! Not you two, how did you two get involved in this?"

"Matthew, my dear, we are but servants of the Great Lord Cowell. Here to do his bidding"

Brian curtsied, Savan bowed. Matt just took off his cap, scratched his hair and thought could it get any worse.

It did.

One Direction arrived.

Then so did all the other contestants. Even Wagner, though he looked confused.

Everyone except for Aiden, who had been conveniently ambushed by Dannii when he reached the studio.

God, Simon fucking Cowell had to make a production out of everything. All he'd asked for was if he could "borrow the stage" for a while. He should never, ever have told Simon the whole idea.

"Okay, let's get started. The words are really easy and well, Matt's got the hardest bit to do. He's having to write his little girly speech all by himself" Savan winked, and suddenly the reality of the situation hit Matt.

Why the fuck did he always think of movie scenes when he thought of Aiden? It was nothing to do with them curling up together in front of every love story on the planet, and every kiddy flick, or animation. No, nothing like that at all. Perish the thought.

=+=

Aiden was feeling confused. Not that was anything new, but this had to have been the weirdest rehearsal time ever. For a start he hadn't seen one single other contestant for the last 40 minutes and Dannii was behaving very oddly. She's said she was just checking up on him, but one thing he'd learnt about Dannii was that she was not a good liar and she was definitely embroidering the truth.

That particular thought made him sigh, so he carried on along after her, wondering why she was insisting on holding his hand and leading him...?

"Dannii, why are we sitting in the judges seats?"

"Shh, sweetheart. Just wait, it'll be worth it I promise. Just, just watch, no just listen with an open heart. That's all I ask."

"Oh what a charming sentiment Dannii! Aiden, feeling more your old self I hope?" Simon took his seat and gave one of his 'What, do you really think I would miss this' shrugs to Dannii whose jaw had just hit the floor.

Aiden just sat, lodged between them, and just knew that whatever was going on he was going to die in embarrassment.

=+=

Suddenly Niall walked on to stage right, grinning from ear to ear. Well, not exactly walked. Skipped, hopped, whatever. Then after he'd picked up his dropped microphone, boomed out the words X-Factor voice over style:

"AIDEN GRIMSHAW! MATT CARDLE! COME TOGETHER! IT'S TIME TO FACE THE MUSIC!"

Aiden made to leap from his chair but realised that Simon, of all people, was holding him down. So he stayed where he was, wanting the ground to open up and swallow him.

Much the same could be said for Matt, who was standing behind the doors still not believing they'd dressed him in stripes. At least Grace wasn't in on it, if she had been in probably would have been the all-out zebra costume that One D had been rooting for.

Fuck, this better work or he was going to look the biggest twat ever. Just as well he thought Aiden was worth it.

"MATT CARDLE"

Cue the music, cue one of the best, or possibly worst, ideas he'd ever had...

Head back, looking like a startled zebra under the spotlight, Matt allowed himself to focus on Aiden, glad to see his body language exactly mirrored his own. He found himself giving a little wave of his fingers in greeting and just about collapsed in shock when Aiden gave him a smile in return. It was small, shy and very embarrassed looking but it was totally a smile, and he'd take anything he could get right at this moment. Because here they came, his backing singers.

Out stepped the contestants, forming what to all intents and purposes was a protective circular wall around Matt. The Matt who was nearly having a heart attack because the stage under his feet started to rise so he was above the circle and now much more exposed.

Dannii looked at Simon who just winked back. He was kind of enjoying this, had fairly brightened up a very dull day.

Brian knew when he was on a hiding to nothing, so when the music really kicked in the simple choreography was mainly finger snaps and twisting in time to the music. It was needed though, as they didn't have a proper backing track, even Savan wasn't that good at short notice.

Aiden suddenly recognised the music as Dannii whispered in his ear "Please note sweetheart, they're singing this bit to Matt, not to you. They didn't see you crying, did they?"

 _"Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'  
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'  
Feeling all alone without a friend you know you feel like dying  
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'"_

The finger snapping changed to clapping and Matt joined in, singing to Aiden, exaggerating hand movements to act out the song. Sure he meant the lyrics, but he didn't want to scare Aiden off. Though maybe the next bit would.

 _I want you to want me  
I need you to need me  
I'd love you to love me  
I'm beggin' you to beg me  
I'll shine up my old brown shoes  
Put on a brand new shirt  
Get home early from work  
If you say that you love me_

 _Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'  
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'  
Feeling all alone without a friend you know you feel like dying  
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'_

 _I want you to want me  
I need you to need me  
I'd love you to love me  
I'm beggin' you to beg me  
I want you to want me  
I want you to want me  
I want you to want me  
I want you to want me_

Matt ended in an arms outstretched shrug, and as cute a puppy dog expression on his face as he could muster, before smiling at Aiden, willing him to take the gesture as what it was. Ritual humiliation by way of apology.

The rest of the contestants were cheering so Aiden couldn't have made himself heard if he'd wanted to. Which he didn't because he was totally speechless. He needn't have worried, because Simon got in there first.

"Okay, Matt. I think it was a very umm, very entertaining performance but I'm afraid not quite up to your usual standard"

"IT SO FUCKING WAS!" Aiden slapped his hand to his mouth, blushed beetroot, met Matt's eyes and then made what later Matt would describe as the sweetest sound in the world.

Aiden started to laugh giggle & hiccup all at once. Tears rolling down his face, doubled up so much that he had to put his head down on the desk.

When he eventually looked up he realised everyone had mysteriously vanished, and Matt, an incredibly nervous looking Matt, was sitting in Simon's chair beside him.

Aiden went to speak, but Matt shushed him. "I've not apologised to you yet Aiden, that was just to set the scene".

Matt took out a bit of paper and started to read.

Aiden took out his heart and started putting some other bits back together.

"I hate the way you're always there, and the way you quiff your hair,  
I hate it when reporters stare, and ask me why's not Aiden there,  
I hate your woolly cardigans, and the way you wear your jeans,  
I hate you so much it makes me mad, it even makes me act the cad  
I hate, hate the bromance line, I hate the way you play their game,  
I hate the way you never shut up, I hate the way you're one weird fuck ,  
I hate it when you put me first, I hate that you're so real,  
I hate it when you're not around, and when you never talk.  
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.  
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all."

Matt was crying again...

=+=

New growth is the most tender, it has to be protected, cherished, until it slowly grows strong enough to truly blossom

=+=

Aiden had loved Matt's performance. Matt always made him laugh more easily than anyone else could, but him acting out the lyrics in such a dorky way seemed to take things to a whole other level. That, and something more. Even though he was fooling around Matt's whole demeanour during the "put on a brand new shirt" movements had made Aiden hot and flustered. So much so that he'd actually turned round expecting to see some of Matt's dancer conquests standing behind him, flirting back as usual. The seats were empty though. Matt had just being looking Aiden. Right at Aiden, holding his eye.

If Aiden hadn't known better he totally would have taken it as a come on, but he knew Matt wouldn't do that. Didn't he? Matt didn't mean he really wanted Aiden to "want" him, not like that. Surely just as a friend, for them to go back to how things had been before? Well at least how Matt had thought they were before. Seeing as if he wasn't aware that one side of their relationship consisted of the biggest incidence of unrequited love ever.

But then there was that thing that Dannii had pointed out to him. That the choruses about crying, dying alone, were about Matt's reaction to their argument, not about his. Why did she think that so important? Would she really be that cruel, knowing how he feels felt! about Matt. To give him hope that Matt was as deeply emotionally attached to him as he was to Matt.

Then there was the other 10 Things reference. They'd watched the film together, Matt knew what it meant in regards to the storyline. He knew that Aiden knew. He couldn't mean it like that though, surely not. Maybe just Matt now willingly playing the bromance game after all? God, how could he understand someone so well but still be confused by him.

Yes. That's it, it must all be for comedic effect. Play up the bromance angle like never before, make Simon happy, and let everyone stop having to hold their breath around them. Let them all just be silly and laugh.

So that's what he'd do, forget about reading too much into things.

=+=

So Aiden harrumphed, or sounds to that effect, starting a teasing retort about the true magnificence of quifftastic woollies, but then he really took in the tears and Matt showing such emotional vulnerability got to him like it always did.

"You twat, your make-up's running!"

He reached out, dancing eyes halting, all thoughts of laughter vanishing from the air around them.

This time when his fist met Matt's jaw it was the gentlest of contact, barely even there, a brushing of knuckles but Matt felt it much much more than before. The acknowledgement of his own feeling meaning that he now reacted to Aiden's touch like never before. He went to speak but couldn't, scanning frantically over Aiden's face trying to catch his eye, seeing instead the way a frown flashed over the smile, the slight twitch, shake of the head as Aiden looked properly at the bruise for the first time.

Matt gave up his search, instead letting his eyes drop, sigh trembling at the base of his throat. Not wanting Aiden to be reminded of the angry words he'd just fought so hard to erase.

Aiden knew he shouldn't, but he really truly felt compelled to completely expose the mark he'd left on Matt. Letting his knuckles drag clear, the sound they made against Matt's beard magnified by over alert senses. Replacing them with his thumb, squinting in concentration, like an artist trying to gain some perspective. Watching it clearing paths through the barrier that had been weakened by Matt's tears.

He had to do it, uncover his own weakness. What he had done, what Matt had made him do. Remind himself why he had to have thorns to protect him.

But, as ever when it came to Matt, he ended up with his emotions every which way. He was so gone on the guy it just wasn't true, because when he lifted his hand up in surrender all he could see was a clearly defined mark, ironically captured by the concealer. It kind of shattered and repaired his heart all over again.

Aiden's thumbprint in the middle of a heart shaped bruise... identification given and accepted.

Matt was being swept along by his own internal dialogue, coming to new conclusions. That if the punch had finally opened his eyes to how he saw Aiden _this_ woke him fully. He'd craved Aiden's touch before but now he knew the truth behind both their feelings everything sang with sexual resonance. It wasn't that Aiden's touch filled his empty spaces, it actually showed him they maybe hadn't been empty in the first place. Something within had being lying dormant waiting for the right conditions. For the right person. For the right moment. For this moment?

"Aiden, I'm sorry,"

"I should never have hit you, because you were right I did make it worse, I did play up the bromance thing. But I'm glad you're doing it too now, it is harmless after all. Now we both know where we stand."

Aiden's own wrong but right apology sliding over Matt's, obliterating half the heart-twisted words that continued from Matt's lips:

"but making you hit me was worth it. _You're_ worth it. I mean, _I_ needed you to do it, because...  
I would Aiden, I'd do it again. Fuck! I don't mean it like that!"

Matt holding his own face, shaking his own head, trying to bring some rapidly retreating clarity to the moment. Knowing it was coming out wrong, that he wasn't explaining a thing, just making Aiden think that he didn't regret it.

That's the problem though. He didn't regret it. If it hadn't happened he wouldn't know that they were in love with each other. Or could have been in love with each other. Maybe they were destined never to feel the same thing for each other at the same time. Always together but one always a step ahead, or always a step behind. Fuck, he was doing it again. Looking for problems instead of just going there. Being vulnerable.

Aiden tried to hold together his heart, to stop the crack fully forming from Matt's words. To stop it trying to gain a foothold on the slippery ice of doubt. Realising that he did now have the strength, so for once he asked Matt to explain himself and looked for the answer. No longer changing the subject or letting Matt do it by default, or running away accepting what he thought were Matt's thoughts.

"Okay, tell me, Matt. What exactly do you mean? Why on earth would you want to hurt me enough that I'd bruise you like that in return? Bad enough we did it once, but saying you'd do it again? I don't get you sometimes, I really really don't."

And Matt sat there, love bleeding from every pore, Aiden's mark on him, and what did he do? Did he seize his moment, seize his man and press his confession tightly to those ever waiting lips?

Did he fuck! Because, before he got a chance to do or say anything, they were interrupted by approaching sound, rehearsals needing to be staged. He'd had enough of performing public announcements to Aiden, they deserved privacy, not the wolf whistles and teasing comments that would be thrown at them.

Matt clasped Aiden's head, tipping forward, planting a swift kiss down amongst the quiff. Trying not to be overcome by the rush to all his senses by the seemingly simple act. How the hell could that vile styling product taste sexy, but oh it so did.

"I'll tell you later, Aid! Friends again, yeah?" Please Aiden, just grin back at me, show me truly that you're giving me another chance.

"Forever" split Aiden's face. Heart beating a slightly false bravado.

"Oh, come here you". Matt grabbed him, needing to wrap himself round Aiden, needing to know he was real, that the moment they'd nearly shared was real.

It surely was. "Fuck!"

Forgetting he was perched on the edge of the seat; Matt slipped, dragging Aiden down with him. Down and back on top of him, totally winding them both. Aiden all broad muscles and long limbs that just seemed to naturally entwine with Matt's. Both instinctively staying in the position instead of immediately pushing away and apart as they so would have in the past. Making an edged silence instead of their usual freely over the top hysterics.

Instead they froze, faces so close together, lips so close together that Matt felt he daren't even try to get his breath back, because that's all it would take to close the whisper of a gap.

Looking into each other's eyes, forgetting time.

Maybe later just had to be now?

"Aiden, I..."

  
"Oh God!" Dannii came to a screeching halt, nearly falling over the prone figures as she rounded the end of the desk. She knew she looked good in red, but not the red she now felt covering her from head to toe. The red that had also stolen over her Maiden, making the poor things jump apart and up, adjusting clothes, not looking at each other.

If she didn't know better she would have sworn Simon had timed her return on purpose. She surreptitiously checked all the camera positions. The man couldn't really have eyes and ears everywhere, could he?

" _Really_ sorry for the interruption, but everyone is coming back and you're both needed in wardrobe to try on your show outfits" Dannii couldn't help letting her glance move downwards, biting her lip slightly before she added "though maybe not together".

Giving Matt an apologetic but questioning look, disappointed to see a tiny frustrated shake of the head as her answer. Come to think of it Aiden was still looking confused rather than bursting with the excitement of knowing his feelings were actually fully reciprocated. Oh well, at least she was love's messenger for once. Bringing news of Simon's success.

"Aiden, you run off first. Matt, a quick word please?"

Aiden galloped off as if the hounds of hell were snapping at his feet. Matt just rubbed a nervous hand to his scalp and plastered his mock angelic smile across his face.

"Matt, you do realise you're the only one holding all the cards here? You need to put that boy out of his misery. From the look on his face just now you're in danger of pushing him away again" though maybe not by the 'look' of another part of him Dannii silently added to herself.

Matt started gnawing at a fingertip again, pulling off the newly healing skin. Then half realising what he was doing, pulling his hand away to pinch it's own thumb to the wound. Muttering to himself as if Dannii wasn't there. "Simon's got a lot to answer for, bloody guitar, bloody man, bloody fucked up hand!"

"And bloody clip round the ear hole if you don't wake up to yourself!" Dannii was half frowning, half grinning, giving Matt's ear an actual tweak just to reiterate the point.

"Do you really need to go through all this" Dannii shook the piece of paper she held under Matt's nose "will straight out telling him not be enough?"

"No, I don't think it will, and I think I need it for me as well as for Aiden. Hey, you're a girl. You're meant to like romantic gestures! Come on, Dannii. Has he told you, has Simon told you? Has he done it?"

Matt was suddenly full of hope and excitement again. Knowing his own mind again, knowing Aiden again.

"He's told me some of it. He just won't explain what's... I know you Matt, I know there's more to this than meets the eye, so I suppose I'll give you my continued blessing. But if you don't make a good fist of this I swear..."

"Dannii!"

"Oops, sorry Matt, bad turn of phrase! Talking of which, your bruise is showing again. Anyway, here take it, I hope it's what you wanted. See both you tomorrow."

Matt took the folded bit of paper from Dannii's hand. Standing waiting until she started to, ever so slowly, walk away before reading it.

 _Have made the necessary cuts. New version to be confirmed later._

"Dannii!" he cried across the now busily peopled space "Did erm, did Simon say anything else?"

"Just to tell you he's going home. HOME! You hear me, Matt? HOME!"

Matt heard, and grinned.

=+=

"Well, did you tell him?" Simon was waiting in her dressing room.

"I thought you were going home?" Dannii queried in pseudo shock.

"HOME?"

"HOME is where the heart is Simon, after all."

"Really? You don't say? Funny how Matt used the same expression to me recently. I'd love to be a fly on that wall tonight." He got up and grinned at Dannii.

"Don't you dare. Now shoo, get out of here. Get!"

"Spoilsport, I'm sure there's a clause in the contract that I could.."

"Goodbye Simon"

"Bye Dannii"

"Pervert!"

"I heard that!"

Dannii turned from the now closed door, directing her response to her Team Minogue photo "He was so meant to" and she could have sworn Matt and Aiden were grinning just a bit brighter back at her.

She put two fingers to her lips then pressed the kiss to both of theirs "Good luck, my darlings!"

=+=

 _Gonna be someone  
Gonna give something  
I'm taking it on  
I'm taking it on  
It's gonna be my life  
So I'm gonna live each day  
And each night  
I'm taking it on  
I'm taking it on_

Aiden spent the rest of the rehearsals in, it must be said, a bit of a daze. Aware he was raising strange looks and whispers from everyone around him again. There was a lightness to his step that they'd never seen before, he knew it because he felt the difference himself. That and an air of determination that outweighed his normal frustration when he mucked up his performance.

For once when he was away from Matt his usual doubts weren't heightened. Yes he was combing through their every moment together with a mental fine tooth comb, same as always. This time though he was looking for, and seeing, the positives instead of merely blowing the negatives up out of all proportion.

He was fast coming to the conclusion that maybe it was himself that had been part of the problem all the time, not just Matt. That he'd needed to grow just enough thorns so he was forced to look in on himself. Not to keep Matt out. He needed the protection so he could take risks, not to avoid them.

One of those risks was to sit himself down, give himself a talking to.

  
Had he found out exactly why Matt had exploded at him in the first place?

No, but it was definitely to do with him. About Matt's feelings for him, not against him. He was sure of that now. He had to be sure. Just had to. Only Matt could provide the truth, and so far that secret was still locked up tightly. Aiden just had to encourage him to share. Let him talk. He needed Matt to talk.

Had Matt reacted with more anger when Aiden had hit him?

No, not at all. He'd crashed to the floor, but he just crumpled in on himself. Like it was his own momentum that had brought him to his knees, not Aiden's. He saw him now, he remembered. When they'd fallen together earlier it had suddenly released the protection he'd put on the file in his memory. His mind could now replay the anguished howl that Matt had made. Not a scream of pain, more one of some inner torment. Aiden knew only too well what that sounded like, he'd heard it inside his head for weeks. Every time he was close to Matt but not close like he really wanted. Then there was Dannii, saying everyone had seen Matt crying. You don't cry like that with anger. You just don't.

Then today, oh yes today. Aiden's heart started to beat a little faster, then a lot faster. Matt had tried to say he was glad Aiden had reacted like that, that he would go through it again. That made no sense at all unless, unless Matt somehow thought it had put them in a better place. Aiden knew he was in a better place. Was Matt?

Do it, ask yourself the next questions. The ones that Dannii's arrival stopped being answered. Do it. It's not wrong to ask yourself. It's never wrong to feel. To be honest with yourself.

Was Matt about to kiss you?  
Maybe? When Matt had whispered Aiden he'd felt his name on both their lips, felt Matt's against his. He hadn't imagined it, though he'd maybe imagined how else he'd felt Matt move against him. His body being over-sensitive like never before.

Were you about to kiss him?  
Maybe? Totally. Couldn't have stopped myself. It would have happened.

Would it have mattered to you who made the first move?  
Yes. It did still matter. He still needed that reassurance. He still needed Matt to need him.

So, what are you going to do about it?

Let Matt make the first move. I'm going to open myself up. Give nothing but everything until I know. I'm going to let him prove it to me. If he doesn't I'll accept it. Accept him as the best friend I'll ever have. Nothing more, nothing less.

 _So I'm gonna be stronger  
I'm gonna be better made  
I'm gonna give everything  
Just to bring me back again_

=+=

When all the leaves fully unfurl. When they can take in all that they need, from both outside and within. When they stand up and be counted. Then and only then will the new stem's true form be revealed. Only then will you know to look for the bud starting to grow. A bud that then waits for it's moment, maturing, growing ever stronger. Waiting for that one magical moment that will cause it to finally, and most beautifully, bloom.

=+=

 _I'm gonna be a braver soul than this  
I'm gonna jump at all those  
Many chances that I've missed  
I'm gonna live my life beyond  
These fears and forms of cowardice  
That keep leading me on_

Matt sat alone, waiting for his turn on the stage, his thoughts too in a bit of a daze. Anticipation making his heart and mind race. He'd had some proof that Aiden still felt something for him. Aiden's body had told him that, but Matt needed to know for sure that he still had his love, not just his physical desire. He'd actually been glad when Dannii interrupted them. Because he wanted Aiden to know that too, before anything else. Matt had to show him. To tell him.

Love is a strange thing. It can be everything and nothing. Shared, rejoiced in, or kept a secret.

Why secrets and lies?

Because we're afraid, or know, that the object of our affection cannot, will not, return it? Or do we keep it because deep down we want to nourish our torment. Keep it special, keep it with us forever.

You don't want to lose that feeling so you don't give it a chance to be lost.  
You don't want to be hurt, so you protect yourself.  
Compartmentalise your life, so the chance never occurs.

Matt looked at his damaged fingertips again.  
Folding them down to his palm, counting them off.  
Friends! Fucks! Fuckers!

He remembered laughing with Aiden when he explained how he boxed everyone up to keep things simple. It was a game between them at the start. Who on the show belonged in which box? Who was already in Matt's boxes? They talked about and shared everything, so Matt had spilled everything and nothing out to Aiden.

Aiden had always seemed uncomfortable when it came to Matt's Fucks box. Laughing with Matt but sometimes seeming restless, wanting to change the subject, or even disapproving. Not so much about Matt's conquests but more about Matt's feelings.

With hindsight one conversation suddenly took on greater meaning.

 _"What about friends, Matt? Have you never fucked one of them? Let those lines blur?"_

 _"No, because then they're not a friend. They're just a fuck. If you're my friend I love you, I wouldn't want to lose you. Friends are everything Aiden, you know that. Why risk it?"_

 _"Because it could be something special, something more..."_

 _"Hey, the fucks are special too. Just in their own way."_

 _"Well, so 'the fucks', did some of them become friends then? Surely they must have?"_

 _"Erm, I suppose. But not like that, not like real proper friendships. Not like we have."_

And Aiden had looked at him with a mixture of disappointment and pity. So Matt reacted like he always did. Made a joke, gave Aiden a hug and dragged him off somewhere else to distract him.

While really Matt had just been distracting himself. Because he knew how much of a coward he was. How much he cut himself back from life. How he lived out his dreams in his music but not in heart. Playing until he bled rather than reaching out and grasping at every opportunity.

He'd known that the show was a way of finally grasping at his musical hopes, he'd just never realised that it would allow those other unspoken hopes to surface. Then he met Aiden. The first person ever that was worth the risk.

But was he only taking the risk because Dannii had already told him that Aiden loved him? Was he really still that fucked up? So afraid of losing what he did have that he would never have even tried for more?

No!

Because the simple fact was that Aiden had radiated inwards from the Friends box. From the Best Friend box. From the Best Friend Forever/For Now? box.

He'd spread inward, then spun through Matt like a shooting star, breaking down barriers, lighting up darkness.

Because Matt had never, ever considered Aiden for the Fucks box.

That's what made this different.

So tonight he'd tell Aiden. Show Aiden. Lay his heart on the line for the first time ever. Use an age old gesture that finally would have meaning. He'd reach out, and if he fell and burned he wouldn't care, because at least he'd have tried. He'd have told Aiden he was in love with him, he wouldn't keep that to himself. He wouldn't box himself up any more.

 _I'm gonna shine out like a beacon in the night  
I'm gonna wrap my fingers 'round the stars tonight  
'cause I'm taking it on  
'cause I'm taking it on_

=+=

 _Cause I cant keep hiding  
I cant keep hiding  
I cant keep running away_

 _So I'm gonna be stronger  
I'm gonna be better made  
I'm gonna give everything  
Just to bring me back again_

Matt was walking with such purpose out towards the car that he didn't seem to hear Aiden calling after him. He understood that closed off posture when he saw it, but why was Matt like that now? Hadn't he said they were going to talk tonight? Why wasn't he waiting for him, and why the fuck had he just shut the door?

Aiden finally skidded to a halt, grabbed the handle ready to get in and do the friends thing. Tease Matt for being in a world of his own.

It wouldn't open. It couldn't be? Why on earth was it locked?

He knocked on the driver's window but there was no response, instead he just drove off.  
Leaving Aiden standing there. Left behind.  
Left behind by Matt.

Was this Matt's move then, to ignore him? To forget about him? To drive him away?

=+=

Matt kept his head down until he knew he was out of Aiden's sight.  
Hoping that he'd bribed the driver of the second car enough to delay Aiden that bit longer.  
Feeling guilty, but needing to get back home before him.  
To get things ready.  
To probably suffer a heart attack out of sheer terror that it wouldn't be the way he'd planned.

He reached into his pocket, re-reading Simon's note to reassure himself. He had to hand it to him, when he said he could make something happen he really could. He just hoped the final bit of his plan was as easy to achieve. That's what he needed to prove to Aiden, for once and for all that he was special in his own right, more than...

As if on cue his phone vibrated. The text message simple and to the point: _New version is a lock_.

Double checking whose phone it had been sent from when he saw how it was signed: _Stupid Cupid xx_.

Grinning at the vision in his head of a teasing Dannii wrenching the phone out of Simon's hands.

They were both cupids and he kind of loved them. Simon was now totally out of the Fuckers box and into the Friends one.

Matt looked out the window and started to laugh, why was he still thinking about that kind of box? There were much more important ones waiting, literally round the corner.

=+=

When Matt got to the house he ran ahead inside. Picking up the waiting envelope that was addressed to him. Opening it, taking out the key for the storeroom. Going in past the filming paraphernalia and then gasping when he saw the box. It wasn't what he'd expected at all. As usual Simon had surpassed himself. There was no way Aiden would guess what was in it, so he could take it up to their room now. He wouldn't have to leave his side for a minute. Matt felt the sudden faint blush to his cheeks and laughed at the irony. Grabbed the box, bounded up the steps three at a time, then once safely inside reached under his bed to pull out the previous delivery from where it had been secreted on Simon's orders. This time when he reached out and gently, reverently, touched the contents he flushed a much darker hue.

When Aiden got to the house he ran ahead inside. Ignoring the shouts of the others about whether he wanted to eat. Bounding up the stairs three at a time, but then stopping. Gasping for breath. Cheeks flushing. Not from the exertion but from expectation.

They didn't know it, but when Aiden started opening the door they both shared a single thought. Because no matter how they had said to themselves that they would cope with disappointment, would still be happy being friends, they knew that the only way they could bring themselves back was as Maiden for real. Anything else would be a weak imitation, and they'd grown past that. Suckers no more.

 _And I'm gonna be stronger  
And I'm gonna be better made  
And I'm gonna give everything_

 _Just to bring me back again_

=+=

  
 _There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea.  
You became the light on the dark side of me.  
Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill_

Eyes to the ground, Aiden finally walked into their room, turned key to lock. The sound echoing expectantly. Two separate objects that had to come together to achieve their purpose in life. He felt the nervous breath shimmer through him, realising his senses were at odds because he'd heard Matt react the same way, even though he still hadn't turned from the door to look at him. He stood, willing Matt to speak, but was met by silence. But not a heavy silence. The air in the room seemed to be sparkling, gently moving, waiting for words to be drawn through it, to make new patterns. Matt finally the one brave enough to ink a thought.

"That sounded ominous?" Half glad, half scared that Aiden had locked the door, wondering what was going through his mind, but waiting, waiting for Aiden to turn round, to turn round and look at his bed. Ominous indeed. Matt sat on edge, held his breath.

Aiden laughed, the sound of relief more than mirth, and finally turned to see Matt perched on his bed, fingertips nervously playing an invisible guitar, eyes staring into some half distance, body tense.

"Yup, I'm afraid I'm now going to hack you into little pieces and feed you to Wagner for leaving me behind at th..." The never fully left Aiden's lips because his eye had alighted finally on his own bed. Seeing red against white.

He starts walking over, but his feet are moving backwards, slowing him, making him climb, sinking, rising. Finally he's there, can see the other colours against the white. Green and gold. He can feel his heart beating in his fingertips, frightened their touch will damage, will scare the vision away. That it will beat gossamer wings and fly away before he can capture it's meaning. He feels Matt's breath at his neck the second he does finally allow himself to feel. Stroking the velvet, watching as the knuckle of his finger becomes clothed in gold.

There's a single red rose lying on his pillow. No ordinary rose. Even Aiden knows it's not the kind that you'd find scenting the room in a florists, or choking for air on a petrol station forecourt.

No tightly packed mass produced petals, holding secrets selfishly to themselves. These are wide and open. Crimson damask surrounding golden stamens. This rose makes a gentle heartfelt statement.

The type of rose you'd come across while walking down a country lane. See it basking against a garden fence. Feel obliged to smell it, but really just wanting the chance to let it's petals run across your cheek, to let it share the perfection of imagined carefree summer days you hope have been caught within it's veins.

Still moving in slow motion Aiden picks the rose up to smell it, switching hands, unheeding of the thorns, unheeding of the single drop of blood that falls to take it's place against the white fabric.

Matt sees it though, his hand reaching round, fingers entwining with Aiden's, to pull him round. Concentrating, pressing the tissue of his healing fingertip to Aiden's now pierced one, knowing that Aiden's blood would be filling out the ridges and whorls, that if he now pressed that finger somewhere and left a mark it would be both of them combined. Identification, given and accepted.

He doesn't though. What he does do is draw them into his mouth for an instant, the merest instant. Gently sucking the spilled blood away while pressing the tiny wound closed. "I am sorry, Aiden. I truly am."

And is Aiden is floored. Truly floored. He crashes to the bed, sitting there stunned, the rose still grasped in his other hand, held gentle but firm. Not forgotten, not cast aside. Even though Aiden is lost in the storm.

Lost by the sucker punch of Matt's action, not words. Because it's a Matt thing to do, to take his cut finger into his mouth to teasingly "kiss it better"

What isn't a Matt thing to do is to take both their fingers together like that. For one glorious moment, a moment so fucking sexual that now Aiden's nervous in a whole new way.

Did Matt just drop the B from Bromance?

=+=

 _But did you know,  
That when it snows,  
My eyes become large and,  
The light that you shine can be seen._

Aiden sends up a silent prayer that even he doesn't understand and finally looks up into Matt's eyes, seeing himself held amongst the pools of blue grey. He's so caught up in Matt's gaze that he doesn't even realise what he's feeling against his cheek, then the heady scent makes him turn into it. Another rose that Matt is holding out to him, blush pink and very different from the first.

"We need to talk, Aiden. Really talk." Matt's looking so serious, really serious but all Aiden can do is keep flicking his eyes back and forth to the proffered flower and oh, he can't help it if he's spoiling a moment. Sexual, romantic, whatever the moment Matt is trying to grab it's lost because Aiden can't stop himself, no matter how hard he tries. The slightly nervous laughter brimming up and out like a babbling brook that can be retained no more.

"Aiden!" Matt's acting horrified but as usual he can't help himself either, he joins in the laughter too. Even though he hasn't a clue what has set Aiden off. He sits down on the bed and buries his face in Aiden's shoulder. The two of them side by side, clutching at the roses as if their lives depended on it, and giggling so much they can't breathe.

Tears dancing over his face, Aiden nudges Matt hard in the ribs. "Could you have found a camper looking rose? It looks like a cross between a powder puff and a flaming pink tutu. Are you sure it's not made of glitter and fluffy pink clouds? Please tell me you're seriously not expecting me to accept that as an apology? It's like some strange desperate tribble that got trapped and made over by Grace's minions so she could stick it somewhere unmentionable on Katie or Cher!

Matt takes a moment, looks closely at the shyly curling rosette in his hand and stills his laughter, the need to award Aiden his prize, the prize of his love winning the battle over camp embarrassment.

He looks back up, at Aiden's shining eyes and the messages they conceal beyond the shimmer of shared laughter. At the happiness, at the hope surrounding the inner ray of confidence, at the love. He can never get enough of that light, will never get enough of him...

 _Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.  
Ooh, the more I get of you  
Stranger it feels, yeah.  
And now that your rose is in bloom.  
A light hits the gloom on the grey._

"Aiden, I do love you, but you need to learn when to shut the fuck up!" Matt turns and presses the rose to Aiden's mouth, the petals kissing his lips, pink blush to dusky red. Each a secret waiting to unfurl, a promise to be kept.

Aiden feels the sweet scent against his lips, longs to bruise the petals between his fingers, let the perfume of Matt's words fill his soul. He tries to form his name but all he tastes is the top note.

Matt holds the bloom to Aiden's lips, to still his words more firmly, and then, and only then does Matt move his own lips. Gently over pink blush to dusky red. His hand cupped at Aiden's jaw, a thumb wickedly slowly but purposefully erasing the barriers between them. Finally allowing the petals to fall, the truth to be revealed.

Aiden is lost, lost in the sensation, opening up to his sun, basking. The petals shifting promises against his skin, cool silk and satin, the velvet warmth of Matt's kiss becoming more and more real. The feelings behind the gesture, the kiss from a rose. The petals showering down between them, pink spreading over their necks, down to their chests, coming to rest against hearts that are finally beating in unison. The last petal is sticking to his lower lip, but he's uncaring, un-noticing, but Matt does, a slight hum of frustration passing through him as he slowly traces his tongue over and around the delicate barrier, adjusting the pressure, flicking Aiden's lip back against his own teeth so Matt can finally get enough purchase to sweep the petal free. Free and pressed to his tongue, the rose consumed and Aiden's lips fully in bloom in their place, opening up, tentatively drawing Matt in with a groan.

 _There is so much a man can tell you. So much he can say  
You remain my power, my pleasure, my pain  
Baby, To me, you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny  
Won't you tell me, is that healthy, baby ?_

But instead of fully following, fully capturing Aiden's mouth, Matt allows his lips to fall and cling like the petals between them. Softly sealing a promise to Aiden's lips before breaking them apart, freeing his lips to speak because his heart must speak. Must marry the two voices in his head to unbox their truth for Aiden: "When did you realise you were in love with him. Matt?" "Read my lips, look into my eyes, do what you have to; but believe what I am saying. AIDEN. IS. IN. LOVE. WITH. YOU."

His abandoned lips showing the "oh" of disappointment, Aiden reaching for Matt's eyes, only to grasp what he saw there to his heart instead, his lips changing to a shy smile, their colour met and replicated across his cheekbones, his own eyes glancing down, eyelashes still too used to automatically shielding his own truths.

Matt reaches for Aiden's hand, his fingers entwining with Aiden's, ready for their hearts to open up. The first forgotten rose held between them, crimson and gold.

Blue eyes hold brown, never letting them go as soft words finally fall from Matt's lips and swirl around Aiden. Revelations, declarations, intimations. Emotions blurring both their sight, but never their understanding, Matt getting more agitated, Aiden more calm.

"I've always loved you, Aiden. I just never realised until that day that is wasn't just as a friend. I was terrified of losing you, and that light was starting to dawn, that I'd made myself vulnerable because you were vulnerable. You just stood there, saying you understood me, why I'm such a silly, idiotic fool who tries to control my own destiny. But that was the thing, it wasn't my destiny I was trying to control. It was yours, and I saw you being ripped apart from me and I just straight out panicked. Tried to patch my wound by wounding you. I'm sorry Aiden, so so sorry, but I will not turn back the clock. It needed to happen. Your fist hit me on the chin but it was you _and_ me that punched me in the gut. Together. The sucker punch, the wake-up call, the flash of enlightenment, the coup de foudre, whatever you want to call it. You weren't my best friend. We weren't 'Maiden' pushed together in a bromance. I hate that fucking word so much. Maiden is the two of us but it's not a bloody bromance. Matt doesn't love Aiden like a brother. Matt is _in_ love with Aiden like a lover. I need you so much Aiden, you have no idea what you are to me, what you _do_ to me, what I'd do for you..."

"I think I do, Matt. I do now." Aiden smiled and loosened their fingers, letting the rose fall beside them on the bed. Twisting their hands apart but never free, holding their palms out to Matt. Letting them speak just as Aiden's fist and Matt's bruise had mere days before. Each palm weeping, punctured by a thorn from the secret they'd held too tightly between them for too long. "We're the same, Matt". He brought their hands to his lips, planting a healing kiss to the tear, before pressing them both back together. Open with each other, the way they should have been from the start. "I am _so_ in love with you. Always have been."

And Matt? Matt just sat there, stunned. Not at what he was hearing, after all he'd already known that Aiden's love for him was still a possibility. No, he was stunned by the beauty, the confidence, the strength, the rare light that was shining out from Aiden. His own man. But Matt's too. So gorgeous, so heady...

"My perfect rose."

Oh fuck! He'd said that aloud.

Aiden laughed, they needed this moment. This re-adjustment of their relationship. And if he was revelling in Matt's now obvious embarrassment so what? He deserved it.

"Stupid twat of a boyfriend!"

The thought making him grin all the more. Then he looked at Matt's face and realised he'd said it out loud.

In perfect unison they slapped their hands to their mouths and then giggled some more...

  
 _But did you know, that when it snows,  
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen._

 _Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.  
Ooh, the more I get of you  
Stranger it feels, yeah stranger it feels._

 _Now that your rose is in bloom,  
A light hits the gloom on the grey._

"Matt Cardle, who would have thought it? Buying a boy flowers? Actually that's a point. You do realise I'm a boy, don't you? I didn't leave you with concussion after all?" Aiden gave a playful punch to the healing mark on Matt's chin, just to make his point clearer.

"Beats me!" Matt flinched from a non-existent second blow "Guess when it came down to it, I either don't fucking care or I care too much. It's not the sex. God, I'm at it again. You tie me in knots, you _do_ realise that?

Yes, I am in love with you. Yes sexually in love with you, not just romantically and certainly not platonically. I have no fucking clue which came first, all I know is they are bound together. It's the person. It's you, Aiden. You and me. We're bound together. Matt and Aiden makes Maiden. Shit, you know I'm no good at this stuff. It's all a first for me, a friend who I fuck..ing love. You do realise you have completely crushed my supposedly ordered life once and for all?"

Noting the stumble, and feeling the need to have Matt prove it once and for all, Aiden found himself doing something he never thought he'd be brave enough to do.

He ran his fingers down Matt's face, for once _not_ allowing his thoughts to linger on a certain manly beard, instead travelling downwards letting his fingers rest on the first closed button on Matt's shirt. More precisely on the pink rose petal that lay there trapped and waiting for release, rubbing it slowly and deliberately between his fingertips.

"Well I must say I do like this new side to you, Matt and I'll let you into a secret. I'm totally gay for you too. Especially when you give me flowers, I'm just sorry we don't have more, because I rather liked that kiss you gave me but it seems I have to cover myself in rose petals to get you to think about doing it again. Or anything else!"

Feeling pleased, a little cocky in both senses of the word. That is until he saw a familiar shit-eating grin spreading over Matt's face. The one that Matt always got when he was a manipulative little bastard who had been up to no good. Right from the start.

"Well, darling" Matt drawled sexily, hopping over to his own bed and pulling out the other twenty-two cut roses from underneath "it's funny you should mention that." He started throwing them one at a time over Aiden and the bed. Then grasped one between his teeth, head cocked to one side. Eyebrows teasing up and down, as he started to run the heads of the remaining roses up and down Aiden. From the moving bulge in Aiden's throat to just above the growing one in Aiden's sweatpants.

"Shit!" Aiden blushed as crimson as the rose in Matt's mouth, the thought immediately taking his mind to Matt with something else red there and all the confidence he'd had before just melted away.

"No, darling. Fuck!" Matt still playing the tease until he realised Aiden was on edge for the wrong sort of reason. God, he was doing it again. Taking things too fast. The thing was he didn't actually want that, he wanted this to be something special and new for both of them. A new beginning, their beginning. At Aiden's pace. He pulled the rose out and through his teeth, making sure he avoided the thorns but letting the petals loosen and fall away, catching them, making them remain on his lips as he met Aiden's eyes. Eyes that returned the now softened but heated look that reassured him of his love.

Matt shrugged, a shrug that conveyed a number of truths that only Aiden could decipher. The over-riding ones the realisation that Matt was nervous too, he knew this mattered too much to both of them to get wrong, and that he wanted him. Matt really wanted him, needed him. Needed to receive his kiss as much as he needed to give it.

So he did.

Red lips to red petals to red lips. Then tongue to tongue, open mouth to open mouth. Roses long forgotten, until gasping for air Aiden pulled back, met Matt's questioning eyes and picked up one of the pink blooms, plucking one petal at a time...

Aiden dropped the rose stem to the floor and curled his hand round it's bounty. The loose delicate pink petals held gently, waiting. Aiden didn't know what the hell he was doing really, but Matt still looked happy enough. Fuck he felt happy enough! So he pushed Matt further back against the pillows so they were now properly lying on the bed. He sunk a soft kiss to Matt's jaw, surprised at how much the bruise had faded, and so quickly. But that wasn't the landing spot he was after.

"Just do me a favour, Matt, just lie still for a bit. Please?"

"Why?" Matt drawled the query out, because he could hear the nervousness in Aiden's voice and actually see it on his face, in the embarrassment staining the tips of his ears .

"Umm, you'll see. Do you think you can close your eyes too, they're kind of putting me off"

"Aiden, what the? You do know you're totally killing the mood here?"

"Oh!" Aiden suddenly seemed to shrink, the light going out of his eyes. His whole demeanour reminding Matt way too much of Aiden's reaction when he'd roared at him. Fuck, way to go Cardle. Stomp all over the boy's heart again, why don't you? Kill yourself, let the last petal fall and darkness reign again.

"Belle, I'm sorry, I'll do whatever makes you happy. Always."

"Belle?" Matt's earlier confession had totally repaired Aiden's heart, but this? This was the final touch of magic that sealed the deal. Because he knew how this strange man's head worked more clearly than his own, and it finally explained the roses. Though he still had a feeling, knowing Matt, that the other shoe still had to drop.

"Matt you're not a beast, and even if you were you'd be my beast. I'd still love you because I know the real you. Not the fairytale version. Though I would still like my happy ending."

"I bet you would. Mood _totally_ un-killed." Matt gave Aiden probably the most innuendo laden wink he'd ever seen, but he knew he didn't even blush in return. It was his turn for a bit of restoration work.

"Just shut the fuck up Matt, and close your eyes."

"At least I got to see you one last time..." So he closed his eyes, taking the opportunity to steal a line, but then finding that Aiden totally bested him. Because beauty simply killed the beast by stealing his breath away.

Matt's thoughts trapped in his throat because he felt surprisingly cool and steady fingers unbuttoning his shirt, and he could swear Aiden was adding a total-unnecessary - yeah sure - presses and twirls around of a thumbnail at each button before he pushed each one through and out, releasing them from their confinement. Which made Matt think about other items of clothing being undone, about him being undone, about doing the same to Aiden.

He started to rise, but felt Aiden's hand against him, pushing him back down against the bed. Then felt warm breath tease across his face, so he opened his lips, pushing up towards his sun for the heated kiss. But it never came. Instead Aiden's tongue ran along his jawline. Firmly, slowly, purposefully, then stopping at one point to flick and swirl the same pattern over and over. If any coherent thought had been left in Matt's head he'd have recognised the heart shape and where Aiden was drawing it, and why, but his mind had fused. His own imagination plus Aiden's actions causing a momentarily overload.

Which then caused a spark that lit a flame that obviously ran straight down the centre of his chest, because Aiden was totally beautifully failing at trying to stop him burning up by now running the underside of his tongue right over it. He could 'see' him, see Aiden's eyes looking up at him as he did it. Not teasing, but holding his. Drinking in his reaction to the wet heat and the crackle across his skin caused by Aiden's hair dancing against him, and the brush of material as his shirt was pushed further apart and open, and how every cell was been sparked to life as Aiden's mouth moved nearer it's goal...

A goal that was cut off by too tight jeans, Matt's mind feeling Aiden pop the button, tease the zip, tease him. But then a small sigh from Aiden, a wind whispering across his exposed skin, made him realise that his thoughts had blinded him. Aiden had never travelled that far down the path, instead he was slowly, delicately nipping and dragging at Matt's skin, his lips surprisingly cool but soft, planting tiny kisses in the long furrow caused by Matt's scar. His sensitive skin below it twitching in surprise as the sensation seemed to be dragging round and about.

There wasn't just a cloud of butterflies dancing _in_ his stomach, somehow Aiden was delicately catching them and setting them free upon Matt. His closed eyes could see them as clearly as he could feel them, and they all were perfect shimmering dusky red and blush pink. The magical colour of Aiden's lips hidden by the rose petals just before he'd kissed them for the very first time. The kiss from a rose, repeated as many times as the petals had taken to fallen. As he was falling now, more deeply than he'd ever thought possible.

Rose petal butterfly lips dancing over his hips. They felt like the lyrics of a song against his skin, and he knew the melody was escaping from his open lips. The notation lighting up across his closed eyelids, letting him learn this wonderful shiny bright new composition. His fingertips caressing the strands of Aiden's hair, plucking at both their heartstrings.

Their music came to the end with a final soft flourish from Aiden, fingers stroking at Matt's hips, words of love flying from his lips...

"You can open your eyes now, Matt" but Matt was still floating somewhere, butterfly high.

"Matt" Aiden's voice still dreamlike but firmer, guiding him back to earth "Don't move but open your eyes, look at me."

And who wouldn't want to look at Aiden? So he did. Seeing that warm slightly teasing glow of love in his eyes, the flush across his cheekbones and... and lips that actually had a tiny pink heart-shaped petal kissed to one corner of them.

The vision made Matt smile and shake his head slightly, just to reassure himself that they were really both here, finally together. Sharing this fairytale moment. God he had it bad, it should have felt silly but instead it felt right, and surprisingly sexy, erotic? Was that a better word for this moment? He didn't know any more. He guessed it just felt like love. True love. It felt like Aiden. Hell, it felt like Maiden, and wasn't that the point? Maiden. A rose by any other name would _not_ smell so sweet.

And Aiden held Matt's eyes in his heart, and then cast his own down and back.

"It's my turn to say sorry Matt, I'm sorry I punched you on the chin but like you I'm not sorry if I landed that other punch down here", he let his finger draw and trace over Matt's hipbone and round and about across Matt's stomach, finally resting it in the middle, pressing so Matt finally looked down and saw what before he had only felt.

Aiden had not only pressed kisses to his skin, but the rose petals. Matt's 'butterflies' formed a pink heart but that wasn't what made his own heart soar, it was the red ones at the centre. For they clearly formed the letter A. It was pointing the right way so he could read it, but there would never have been a question formed, he knew Aiden was the answer.

"Yes, Belle. You slayed the beast."

"No Matt, _we_ did... watch"

And with that Aiden lowered his head, pursed his lips and blew gently beneath the petals that formed the A. Petals that hadn't all been sealed with a kiss. Some, some had been placed ready to fly away and reveal another truth. That the A for Aiden could oh so easily be turned into an M for Matt. Pointing the other way, but without doubt it was an M. Which made Matt gasp in wonderment at the way Aiden's mind worked. Always surprising him, but not.

But Aiden looked up, snapped his fingers to get Matt to look, to look and make doubly sure he got the message. Doing so by first pressing his thumbs together in a straight line, and his forefingers pointing down to form the rest of the A shape before letting his thumbs drop a little and his forefingers straighten apart to form the M.

A to M, M to A, the half way stage in between clearly a heart.

"Aiden Grimshaw, I love it, but there is no fucking way you just came up with that just now!"

Matt tried to sound light-hearted but instead his voice was soft, and smoky and laden with other thoughts. Of Aiden's breath against his skin blowing those petals aside. Of how Aiden's fingers were pointing now down his own body, forming an arrow, forming the future. Matt and Aiden as one.

"Erm, well I am a teenager you know. We think about these things when we're dying of un-requited love!" Aiden bit his lip, the deeper colour spreading like the damask pattern on that first perfect rose. Waiting, ready to be plucked.

"Well you're not dying any more. Yet..!"

Matt's eyes burning in to him, the message they carried, led Aiden back to one place. So he picked up another rose, fingers moving, then dropped the stem to the floor and uncurled his hand, holding it palm open to Matt. The loose delicate pink petals an invitation, a sign of trust. So Matt returned the compliment, and soon another palm was held out, this time cloaked in crimson. A darker more mature shade, but still the same. Hands pressed together, fingers intertwining, pink mixing with red, crushing a release and letting them rain down over them both. Repeating the pattern, over and over. Lips or petals finding their home.

Skin might have flushed to match as clothes were finally removed and then forgotten, but something had taken over them both. It should have felt strange, perhaps a little silly. To make a bed of roses, to let soft clouds of petals float down and gently anoint naked skin. But it didn't. It felt the most natural thing in the world. To heighten all their senses at once. Their colours more vivid, touch more sensitive, scent more intoxicating, taste sweeter than ever before as they whispered kisses and drew fingerprint patterns where each fell to ground.

The joint path of self discovery. Matt leading, but Aiden following him every step of the way. Hands to hips, guiding and being guided. Soft, slow, long wet kisses. Eyes closed, senses drowning. Trailing tongues, travelling down jawlines, along collar bones, down and across. Mouths gently sucking, teeth nipping, teasing sensitive tissue into straining life.

Did it feel strange to Matt, hard muscles where he was used to soft flesh? No. In a way it was like coming home, easier. He knew his own body, how it reacted. Probably knew it more intimately than Aiden could imagine. He couldn't say how he knew just what would please Aiden, but he did. Maybe because Aiden was just like Matt, but different. More open in some ways, more closed in others. However faltering their first steps together might seem Matt knew that they were in tune, would dance below the same sky, season in, season out, reborn over and over.

He smiled up at the unseeing Aiden, the boy's head pressed back, the ticking vein in his throat belying the relaxed stance of his body. Spread out pale and vivid against red and pink as Matt journeyed further down, kissing the petals that were bruising along Aiden, friction and moisture making them gradually transparent but also making them cling more as if they really were part of Aiden, part of Matt. Murmuring soft words of love as he darted out his tongue, a stepping stone path straight down and around, then turning his head again and again to gently blow one particular large velvet petal back and forth, intrigued how it danced, how Aiden danced under it. Eventually capturing it to his lips and then pressing it to the side, impaled on a hip bone.

Returning to drink in the scent where it had teasingly lay, musky with a rose top note. To kiss, to draw in, to learn a new dance, to read the flush on Aiden's skin, to hear the guidance in his moans, to understand his flesh speaking within Matt's mouth.

The stem of a rose grows strong and straight towards it's sun, pressing upwards, supported, protected by what is around it. Nurturing it, letting it grow ever firmer. Letting everything combine to bring about their goal. Warmth and moisture that teases and turns, mixing with a groundswell of elements drawn from deep below...

Actions speak louder than words. Does the rose bud learn how to burst open into glorious bloom, or does nature take over and show it the way when the environment is right, the conditions perfect?

Who knows? The language of flowers is a secret one. Their secret. Their moment. If they whisper it's for themselves. Not for us. Though we may listen in our heads, and know what they are saying. Because we all share a purpose, a need. The need to open, to bloom. A flower. Our hearts...

=+=

Afterwards, long long afterwards, Matt would have one final box to open for Aiden.

The large box that contained two roses bushes, the same but different. Rooted and growing in soil beside each other. Free to grow and mature without suffocating each other, one no less than the other. Worthy of the care and attention that would be lavished on them by those that can appreciate beauty, and strength, and love in all it's forms.

One rose red. Called Dusky Maiden. It's label describing it as "Almost single crimson flowers with deeper shadings and golden anthers. Lightly fragranced. A little different, and well worth growing. Hardy and good."

One rose pink. Called Maiden's Blush. It labelled as "Fresh blush-pink, rosette-shaped flowers, loosely double, full bloom, opening flat with an abundant rich perfume. Strong. Hardy, well-formed. Particularly tough and resistant."

Aiden would have to be, because Matt's superstitious fear would prove true and he'd be torn away from the competition, but not from Matt. As for Matt, he had finally learnt to adapt, to let Aiden repair. Green is always the sign of new growth and hope, and should never be cast aside until it's clear what it will become. So it now became about Matt winning. Winning Aiden and winning the show.

Matt might call it luck in public, but in his heart it was labelled as destiny.

[The End]

=+=

 _A/N: The roses exist, the descriptions are real. They inspired this story._

 __

 _[Dusky Maiden](https://www.davidaustinroses.com/english/showrose.asp?showr=217)_

 __

 _[Maiden's Blush](https://www.davidaustinroses.com/english/showrose.asp?showr=579)_

 _I hope I've painted enough words for you to realise what I also saw in those roses, and their descriptions, as representing ;-)_

 _"While mantling on the maiden's cheek young roses kindled into thought." [Thomas Moore]_


End file.
